pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So vagazzling was a success
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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