i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
