i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
