i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
