I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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