my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
