You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
