you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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