Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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