He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
