I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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