The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
