Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
