I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
is that a dick in a sweater?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
