i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
tell me about the eggs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
