Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
