My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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