There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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