You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
