we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
