Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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