Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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