I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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