The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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