Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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