i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
