i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
