I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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