Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
