and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
