Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
