Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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