Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
