He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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