Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Someone shattered a urinal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
