Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
