i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
