Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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