We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
