I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
