im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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