He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
