Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
