no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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