Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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