so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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