how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
