Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
