thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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