I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
